


Here Before Me

by ShippersList



Series: The Northern Totems [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Canon Compliant Minor Character Death, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Omega Verse, Referenced Arranged Marriage, The Northern Totems, family don't end with blood - Freeform, loss of a mate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 01:18:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3631236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippersList/pseuds/ShippersList
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>”He needs you, Bobby. And John needs you. You are family.”</i><br/><i>And Bobby had sat there, reeking of grief and stale beer and gratitude, looking into the green eyes of the pup who was to grow up to be the center of his life.</i><br/>Timestamp from POV Bobby. Takes place during the final scene of The Grey Castle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here Before Me

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the translation of the poem [’Nocturne’](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIH0p67uR_M) by Eino Leino.
> 
> Inspired by [Vårsång (Spring Song) Op. 16](https://open.spotify.com/track/3gBFb7ziDay5wcRg500Zy9) by Jean Sibelius.
> 
> Betaed by the all-wonderful [Naoe](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Naoe). :}

 

The Midsummer Sun was still high in the sky, but the festivities were slowly dying down around him. Bobby was sitting contently in the corner of the castle yard, sipping mead and smiling. Or, not. Maybe _not-scowling_ , perhaps. Oh, balls, who was he kidding? Of course he was _smiling._ The Midsummer Feast had been perfect, Dean and his mate were happy, and there were two (Two!) pups on the way. Even Sam had found himself a beau, never mind that the beta in question wasn’t exactly Bobby’s favorite person. But he was obviously Sam’s favorite person, and that’s what counted.

Bobby leaned against the sun-warmed castle wall, closed his eyes, and sighed.

 

* * *

 

He could still remember the day he presented. Bobby had thought he was a late bloomer, like all in his family, but even he had started to worry when he had turned nineteen and had yet to meet his totem. And Bobby didn’t worry for nothing.

When it eventually happened, no-one had really been surprised that he was an alpha. But they sure had been surprised about the massive totem he manifested, and even Bobby had been struck dumb when he had met his totem for the first time. He had been hunting when a strange tingling had taken over his whole body. He had stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around to scan the forest around him. He had known to expect his totem to be a wild animal, as was the Northern way, but when the massive elk had emerged from the woods, Bobby had been speechless. He had never heard of anyone with an elk-shaped totem. The beast had walked calmly over to him and lowered his head to greet Bobby, who had been awed and more than a little intimidated by the magnificent animal that had chosen to be his totem animal.

According to the old lore, elks were the protectors of the forests, and, since Bobby already felt most at home in the woods, training to become a Ranger had been the next logical step to take. Besides, with that massive a totem, he would've never fit in a town anyway — not that he had ever wanted to. In a way, the totem had decided Bobby’s fate.

Over time, Bobby had won the trust and respect of not only his fellow Rangers, but of the old Steward and the young Lord of Grey Castle as well. The request to take up the post of Steward had managed to surprise him anyway. Bobby hadn't needed to think long, though. The young alpha had already been familiar with the woods and outdoor life due to his tumultuous childhood, and the decision to move permanently out of his childhood home had been a relief.

The elderly Steward had taught his successor everything he knew about taking care of the forest. It honestly wasn't that much more than Bobby already knew, since he had acted as the stand-in Steward for a while already, due to his predecessor’s failing health.

Along with the post came the accommodation. The Steward’s hut proved to be more than adequate, although Bobby had done a bit of renovating after the old Steward had passed away. After all, the hut was more comfortable during wintertime when the holes had been stuffed and the roof repaired and it was actually warm.

He had been happy there, making up his own schedule, familiarizing himself with the routines of his new job, and learning to tread his way around the young Lord of Grey Castle. They had slowly learned to trust and confide in each other, more than was usual for the Lord and his Stewart. Lord John had been bright alpha with an easy smile, but his quick temper had sometimes been a bit of a trouble.

Then, Karen had happened.

 

* * *

 

Bobby sighed. Karen had died almost thirty years ago, but the pain was still sharp when he thought about her. She had been the love of his life, and not a day went by without him missing her. He had learned to live without her, but he didn't think he could ever actually grow used to the hollow ache the broken bond had left in his chest.

They had met a couple of years after Bobby had taken up the post as the Castle Steward. Karen had arrived to the castle looking for work, and Lord John had taken in the blond beta and her Siberian jay. (Later, Bobby suspected that John’s decision had been more about his mooning Steward than an actual shortage of maids.) It had taken Bobby almost a year to work up the courage to start courting her, and when he finally had asked her to mate him, Karen had laughed with tears in her eyes and exclaimed that she had thought he would never ask.

Bobby had fervently wished for pups of their own, but, because of his own childhood, he had been afraid: afraid what kind of a father he would be and if he would turn out as abusive and neglectful as his own father had been. He had had long discussions with John (who had been in the process of courting his own mate at the time) and extensive, meditative walks in the woods, until he had finally been able to overcome his fears. And when, after a long and stressful time trying, Karen had conceived, and they had been so happy.

The pregnancy had gone smoothly and his beautiful mate had blossomed, the pregnancy making her even more radiant than usual. By a quirk of fate, Lord John’s mate was pregnant at the same time. Of course, with Lady Mary being an omega, the possibility of her pregnancy had been more probable from the start, and it was more than likely that the Lady of Grey Castle would produce litters of pups. But Bobby wasn't envious, he was blissfully grateful he and Karen were going to have even this one pup.

Then, during the delivery, everything had gone wrong.

The pup had been positioned wrong and had refused to budge, no matter what the helper had tried. Bobby didn't understand what had happened, but, in the end, he had been forced to witness the deaths of both his mate and his pup, and then watch Karen’s totem fade away after she had passed on. He had drunk himself senseless, had been practically unconscious for weeks, until Mary, sweet, sweet Mary had come to dig him out of the ditch.

Dean had been born while Bobby had been drinking himself into oblivion, and when Mary had positioned the pup into Bobby’s arms, he had fallen instantly in love. He still wondered how Mary had had the courage to do so — he had been a shivering drunkard with bloodshot eyes and trembling hands, and in no way safe to cradle a baby. But Mary had waved his mumbled protests away.

”He needs you, Bobby. And John needs you. You are family.”

And Bobby had sat there, reeking of grief and stale beer and gratitude, looking into the green eyes of the pup who was to grow up to be the center of his life.

 

* * *

 

The pain of losing Karen and their pup never completely faded, but, over time, it dulled, and Bobby learned how to manage the constant ache in his life. He had stopped drinking and started to walk in the woods again, slowly adjusting back to his solitary life. Except that it hadn't been exactly solitary: Mary had taken the habit of bringing Dean to him every now and then, and, after the pup had learned to walk, Bobby had taken him to the woods (not very far, of course) to learn about the Northern flora and fauna. Dean had watched him with wide eyes, eagerly drinking in everything Bobby has showed and explained to him.

When Mary had been heavy with Sam, Dean had started to spend more time with Bobby, tagging along on all his business. Mary had apologized and John had offered to take Dean with him to give Bobby some time off, but he had shooed them away. He had been glad to spend time with the pup — at four summers the boy had been bright, attentive and thoughtful, and, frankly, Bobby had enjoyed his company very much. They had sat in the meadow studying ants or the flight patterns of bees for hours, or walked to peer at the fish in the lake. Bobby hadn't minded. Besides, he had figured that with the younger sibling almost there, Mary or John simply didn't have the energy or time to sit quietly on a log in the woods or look at the clouds for the whole morning.

When Samuel had been born, Dean had taken his big brother role very seriously. He had strived to keep the baby safe, checked in on him frequently and tried to include him in everything he did, ignoring that, as a newborn, Sam hadn't really been fit for coming along to his and Bobby’s treks. Dean had adored his little brother, and Sam’s face had split into a huge, toothless grin whenever he had spotted his big brother.

That summer had been gentle and the harvest plentiful. Grey Castle had been bustling with life, the young Lord’s family healthy and happy, and everything had been as well as one could hope. No-one could’ve imagined the oncoming tragedy even in their worst nightmares: one unfortunate error, and the peace was gone. The death of Mary’s saluki had caused a crippling shockwave throughout the whole clan — especially when they all had known what it would eventually mean.

To his credit, John had tried. He had tried to be there for Mary, to help her survive the death of her Greyhound totem. He had fed and bathed her, taken her on walks in the fall-colored woods, tried to remind her what it was to be alive. It had been in vain, though, and nothing John had done could’ve prevent the inevitable: after Kaamos had fallen, one night Mary had risen from their bed, walked out, and to the lake. John had seen her vanish under the surface, but had been too late to save her.

It had been a hard blow for the whole castle and the clan. The Lady was dead, the Lord incapacitated with grief and rage, leaving their two pups adrift and alone.

As a stroke of luck, the new Matron had arrived just before Sam’s birth, and, by the time the tragedy had struck, she had been familiar enough with the castle routines to take care of everything. She, a beta named Ellen, was a widower who had lost her mate in a hunting accident a couple of years back. Ellen had moved into the North in search of a new life for herself and her pup, Jo, who was a couple of summers Dean’s junior. Ellen was a tough lady, and, as soon as Bobby had met her, he had been intimidated and awed by the beta and her totem.

Sam and Dean had ended up in Bobby and Ellen’s care, and, with time, Ellen’s daughter became like a sister to them. Lord John had been about and around, but never really present, drowning in his grief instead. Bobby had understood his friend’s grief all too well, but perhaps that had been his error. In giving John too much leeway, he had harmed the clan and the very land more than Bobby had even imagined possible. When he had finally steeled himself to call John on his behavior, the damage had already been done: their clan was adrift and their Lord was already dead inside.

When Dean had presented as an alpha at fifteen summers and had acquired his magnificent wolf totem, John had left. Bobby had suspected for a while that John had merely been biding his time, waiting for his firstborn to present as the alpha he was supposed to be, to hand the lordship over to his son. John had probably thought he did the right thing, but Bobby, being like a father to the brothers, had seen how fragile the young alpha had been. Dean had desperately tried to please his father, but had ended up being abandoned and left behind, confused about his new responsibilities.

There was quite a bit of Mary in Dean, Bobby thought. They both were deeply emotional, although Dean tried too often to hide his feelings, thinking they were too profound for an alpha. Bobby’s heart had ached when he had watched the young Lord struggle through his adolescent years without his father, to learn the hard way what it meant to be the leader of the clan. Too often, Bobby’s nights had been sleepless when he worried for the pup that had been forced to grow up too soon.

 

* * *

 

When John had returned years later, announcing that he was in the process of finding Dean a mate, Bobby had been flabbergasted. He had always pictured John to be a progressive parent who would let his sons to make their minds themselves and find their mates on their own. Besides, Dean was already twenty-two summers and perfectly capable of choosing his own mate. But it seemed it was never too late to learn new things about your friends. Bobby hadn't been exactly overjoyed about the news, but he had decided to sit tight and at least listen to his old friend.

He had tried to question how in the Heavens John had gotten the idea of a Southern omega from a distant clan they had never heard about. Bobby had been understandably suspicious and wondered out loud how the hell could John be so sure that his plan would even work. But no matter how Bobby had tried to pester John, the alpha hadn't budged. He had merely said that he had gotten his information from ’a reliable source,’ and saw no need for second-guessing.

John had composed the proposal letter himself and sent it along with the carrier pigeon. After the answer had arrived with an acceptance note (signed by the omega’s familial alpha instead of the mother, a fact that had somewhat worried Bobby), John had gradually delegated the negotiations over to Bobby and Rufus, and, after outlining the terms of the marriage contract, he had left — this time for good.

By the time Castiel had arrived, John had been long gone.

Well, Castiel… He was something else. Bobby had expected a submissive Southern omega, but instead Dean’s intended had turned out to be intelligent, outspoken, strong minded, and far from submissive. Dean had fallen heavily in love with Castiel the moment he had laid his eyes on him, but Castiel had needed more time to acclimate to his new home. As Bobby had slowly gotten to know the new Laird of the castle, he often wondered what John would’ve thought of the carrier of his future grandpups.

And the clan had received the news of Castiel’s pregnancy with enthusiasm! Ever since the passing of Lady Mary, the clan had been waiting, holding their breath, anxiously hoping for the young Lord to take a mate and sire pups, and when that had finally happened, the clan had been overjoyed. Until—

Bobby shuddered in spite of the warm night. It had been so close… For a while he had thought that Grey Castle was cursed and her alphas doomed to lose their mates.

When Castiel had miscarried, Dean had been devastated, consumed by grief and self-loathing, and Bobby had been very afraid for him. Then Castiel had tried to jump, and everything had stopped: it had been like the whole castle, the clan, and the land itself had held their breath, attuned to Castiel’s well-being, fervently praying the long-lost Spirits of the Forest to spare their new Laird — the man the whole clan had started to love, and who seemed to be the center of their Lord's whole life.

Bobby was not an emotional alpha per se, but even he hadn't been able to stay composed when faced with Dean’s heartbreak. He had always known that the young alpha felt deeply, but the profoundness of his emotions had taken Bobby a little by surprise. The way Dean had gone almost feral during Castiel’s recovery (to the point of growling at a servant) and refused all help, had made Bobby anxious, and he had briefly wondered if he would be forced to intervene. Fortunately, it hadn't been necessary.

And now Castiel was healthy and carrying twins. When he had whispered to Bobby that he was going to be a double grandpa, it had overwhelmed the old alpha into tears. Not that Bobby would ever admit it to anyone, if said anyone was crazy enough to come and ask him.

Bobby was sure he had gotten dust in his eyes, and he blinked them rapidly to get rid of the stinging. He guffawed and took a sip of his mead. He considered Sam and Dean his sons, and the fact that Dean and Castiel actually felt he was _áddjá,_ a grandpa to their pups… It was more than Bobby had dared to wish for, ever since he had lost Karen.

To have this, now, was a wonder.

 

* * *

 

It was close midnight, but the Midsummer Sun bathed everything in its light. Bobby raised his eyes to the clear skies. He wondered for a moment where his old friend was, if John was still alive or if he had passed on — to where, that Bobby couldn’t even begin to guess.

During their last conversation, John had been determined and professional, something he hadn’t been for a long time. It had been like he had made his peace with himself. In retrospect, Bobby hoped he had possessed the right mindset to actually talk to his old friend, but then, he was quite sure that John had known all along what their friendship had meant to Bobby. After all, they had been friends for a long, long time.

A couple of weeks ago, he had felt a slight tremor through the connection to his elk. It had been an oddly familiar feeling, like a soft brush of an old friend, a goodbye and an acceptance. It had left him wondering, but content, and later, he had noticed a new kind of calmness had settled over Dean, too. For some reason, Bobby had the feeling that John was at peace now. He only wished John would’ve found his peace without enduring such torment.

A commotion at the castle yard drew his attention from his musings, and he looked at the slightly disproportionate pair bickering over some sweet cakes. He rolled his eyes at the two betas.

”Idjits,” he muttered under his breath, but his comment held no heat.

The appearance of Castiel’s brother had been a shock, but if there had been any doubts of the clan’s dedication before that, they had evaporated. The clan’s reaction to the potential threat to their Laird’s well-being had been ferocious. Although Bobby _shouldn't_ have been surprised about it, he had been, and Castiel and Dean being true mates explained a lot. Bobby had been ready to scoff at the claim as an old wives’ tale, but after some extensive discussion about their people’s history, and the proof staring him in the eye, he had soon been convinced. No wonder they had all reacted so strongly to the threat to their ”life-bringer,” what with all the shaman blood, even as diluted as it was, running through the clan.

And as suspicious as he had been about the short, cunning beta brother of their Laird, Gabriel fit together well with Sam. Over the years, Bobby had developed an expert hunch about people, and his hunch said that Gabriel was, if too obnoxious, brash, and cocky at times, he was also honest about his feelings about Sam. And Heavens knew that Sam needed someone, too. Someone who had a mind sharp enough to keep up with Sam’s endless thirst for knowledge, someone who wouldn’t be intimidated by his abilities, someone who could challenge his intellect. Bobby only wished that the pairing would ultimately prove to be more beneficial than literally destructive. He was only glad that Gabriel was a beta male, because, honestly? The thought of Sam and Gabriel’s offspring curdled his blood.

A shadow fell on him, and Bobby blinked at the sudden shade.

”Brooding alone? Not going to happen. Move your grumpy alpha butt.”

Bobby grumbled, if only to cover his slight embarrassment at being caught unawares. Of course, he should’ve learned by now that there was little that could escape Ellen’s eyes, although she was too polite to point it out.

”Didn’t actually think I’d see the day,” he shrugged and took a sip of his mead.

Ellen raised her brows. ”See what? Our people happy?”

”Well, that too. But this time I meant them two idjits,” he snorted and pointed at Sam and Gabriel feeding each other cake.

Ellen didn’t say anything, just harrumph’d and took a healthy gulp of her mead. Bobby wasn’t fazed at all — he knew that Ellen was fiercely protective of Castiel, and Gabriel’s stunt of mock-attacking the omega had royally ruffled her feathers. The beta would have some very serious amends to make if he wanted to be in her good graces. Managing the Midsummer Feast had been a good start, though.

”Where’s the pregnant couple?”

”They retired to bed. Dean said that Castiel was tired and needed his rest. I only hope he’ll actually let the poor omega rest even a little and not wear him out,” Ellen huffed and rolled her eyes. After a moment of silence, she added with a sigh, ”Although, to be honest I’m not sure who is wearing whom out. Those two…” she smiled fondly and shook her head.

”Hmm,” was all Bobby answered. He wasn’t exactly sure he was comfortable discussing the bedchamber activities of their Lord and Laird with Ellen  no matter how much he liked the pair.

They sat in a companionable silence, watching the remnants of the Feast unfurl around them. Sam and Gabriel were still outside, but had finished the cake and were— Well. Bobby was pretty sure he would’ve rather not seen how the two betas were devouring each other’s mouths instead of the cake. He averted his eyes and cleared his throat.

”Hey, take your business inside, you idjits!”

His shout had no effect on the amorous couple, and Bobby bristled at their obvious disrespect. Then Ellen stood up and whistled a shrill sound that made everything stop.

”Inside. Now,” she snapped, and Sam and Gabriel scrambled to follow her orders.

Bobby blinked a couple of times, not exactly sure what had happened, except that it had involved Ellen. He looked at her, and she shrugged nonchalantly before sitting down beside him again.

”You sure are one hell of a woman, Ellen,” Bobby muttered in awe.

”That I am,” she agreed with a slight twist of her lips, and bumped his shoulder with hers. Bobby noticed that she didn’t move away but stayed near him, their sides touching ever so slightly. He swallowed, and, in a sudden burst of courage, lifted his arm to hug Ellen closer.

Ellen came willingly, sighed, and rested her head on his shoulder.

”Took you long enough.”

The ptarmigan flew over them and circled once, slowly, around the castle yard before flying towards the woods.

**Author's Note:**

> The position Bobby and Karen's pup was is called [transverse lie presentation](https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSJIoSSaFIwE7T7FMk3wMRRxeMoghJ9r6UxPXU9G5PV1jSEB3xh), which means that the baby lies horizontally. If the position cannot be turned to either [normal or breech presentation](https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRHyA-fGyyJ7UL0K8Q13VKEowguQcrt-kOUkTVhspvy0GvHmd4-aw), the baby cannot be born normally but requires c-section. The Norther Totems 'verse, of course, offers no such option.


End file.
